Home Sweet North Island Home

Well it's taken a little while to get here and the journey has taken it's toll on occasion, but I've finally reached Auckland to start my new life as a Maori. So it's Kia ora from me, etc.

As it turns out the weather in Koh Tao is unseasonably bad. The rains move in and the sea on most of the dive sites is terrible so I fail to get my night dive and deep dive done. I'm disappointed not to be able to call myself advanced simply because no-one else ever will but there's no time to dwell as it's back to Samui and perpetually southwards now. Samui has great weather and we probably should have spent the last week here instead of persevering in Tao. With just the one day I embrace the opportunity to get a McDonald's. I assume a double cheeseburger, fries and diet coke would ease me back into civilization, but there is too much cheese on the burger, too much salt on the fries and the diet coke is a can, not a cup. It's a minor issue, but I've already up-sized for 15 baht and all I get for that is ten extra fries and a smaler than normal drink size. I can't enjoy the meal with this budgetary excess hanging over me but I return for a McFlurry to try and forget it (that's shit too but I am expecting it this time). Amanda sensibly opts for local food instead, but the restaurant is a lonely planet recommendation and of course is shit.

Our next morning is pure indulgence at a spa. I go for a two hour massage and Amanda gets facials, massages, steam things and god knows what else. A lovely old lady washes my feet in scented water and gives me some elastic underwear to protect my modesty, then proceeds to work every joint and pull me in every conceivable way until I'm all straightened out. The old lady is far less concerned about my modesty than I and exposes my pasty white ass to the entire beach on a number of occasions (the one-size its all elastic underwear fit no-one and do very little to shield me from prying local eyes. In reality the only eyes are hers and I'm sure she's seen enough white mans ass to last a lifetime).

The flight to Singapore is your normal crap service. But on the other side of immigration suddenly everything is different. Prices are high, the buildings are higher and litter doesn't exist. The hotel is everything we have been dreaming about since booking it. White sheets, fluffy towels, proper, hot hot-water, pay-tv, internet access in the room and room service 24 hours. We are in in time for dinner, but I choose a place again and now, true-to-form, I find the worst restaurant in the vicinity within twenty minutes. It's $5 for a pepsi, but I'm too excited about buying a laptop tomorrow and the potential hours of haggling to worry. It's Funan digital life mall we head to. There is a mall for everything in Singapore. There is very little else apart from shopping to be done and on every street corner there is another mall. The digital life one, according to our receptionist, is the one to get a computer. It's a Sunday so the whole of Singapore and their dogs (those not on the menu) are here. It means bargaining is good and sales assistants are frazzled. Apple fix Mac prices (something that is supposed to be illegal) so the haggling is done on what they can throw in for free on top of the Mac. I start with a nano, but I have one so change to the Airport Express, before realising I don't need one. I settle on a memory upgrade and a neoprene case. All for about $1500 less that the UK price. And then I get slightly mac obsessed and spend the next couple of days glued to my new toy. I take it to coffee houses on the pretense that we can look stuff up while we are out and about but we both know it's just so I can see how great it's wifi features are. I carry it everywhere until the novelty wears off and my back starts complaining about how heavy it is. I don't have any software so I'm limited in what I do, but it looks so pretty I can't help using it.

After dragging Amanda around a digital mall for an afternoon we swap around as Amanda goes clothes shopping. It's not as much fun as computer shopping and I'm sure my input of "it looks ok" or "yeah, it's alright" isn't the most helpful, but I'm carrying enough bags by the end of the day so I think she managed ok. She is now in charge of picking restaurants so our meals are better, local cuisine.

And then it's Sydney and suddenly the temperature drops 20 degrees. I'm used to the warmth and I have just one light jumper with me, so it's an unwelcome change, but I battle on without complaining. We have just one day here and we cram it with the Aquarium and Wildlife World, followed by a split - Amanda heading to the Art Gallery of New South Wales while I head to the harbour. Then we meet up with a couple of friends for beers and food. The aquarium and wildlife place are your typical snap happy tourist places where I manage to get through 500 shots. I can't really face editing them but at some point I'll upload a new set. The harbour is exactly as I remember it - there is a bridge and an opera house. The beers are australian so not worth talking about.

On a hangover we fly to Melbourne. Supposedly more arty and cultured than the beach-bum atmosphere of Sydney. It's definitely colder. We are staying with Luke and it's amazing to finally be in a home rather than a hotel. It's a flying visit and Luke, bless him, tries to fit a lot in while all we want is an early night. So the run-down is sunset in St Kilda, BYO Pizza restaurant round the corner with some of Lukes red collection. Then up early and onto the Met-rail to go see the National Gallery of Victoria, some aboriginal art in the Ian Potter centre, back to Lukes for a home-cooked Aussie beef rib roast followed by Aussie-rules on the tele with some more wine. The gallery is nice (but pricey if you want to go to the Guggenheim exhibition), the Aboriginal art is interesting up to a point. St Kilda's is a young sort of happening area, the roast was a little taste of home-cooked heaven after so long on the road and Aussie-rules is like rugby for retards.

We leave early for Auckland. Our cabin crew are kiwis and, as such, the nicest people we've met so far. The immigration woman wants to chat about our plans and recommends places to see as opposed to the UK attitude of assuming we are terrorists. There are free cups of tea while you wait for your bags to arrive and the beagle sniffing for drugs is frequently fed treats just for sniffing - paradise indeed.

This is my new home for the next couple of years so I'm apprehensive about it all. It's still a holiday for the next ten days while we travel around the North Island and see a few places, but on the horizon is the getting a job, getting a flat and which one do I get first dilemma. I'm nervous, but as it has been throughout this trip my attitude is to not think about anything until I can't not think about it.