Well and truly on the backpacker rat trap is Vien Viang. If you're aged 17, extremely pasty and too young to realise that you are offending not just the locals with that rediculously small bikini but my sensibilities too then this is the place for you. It would seem obvious (by the volume of fat westerners) that at least the food here is good and for me that's a good reason to spend a few days in a place after my rapid detox diet of the last week.
My last few days in Luang Prabang are spent waiting for blood test results to arrive from Bangkok. They don't so I have to call and remind the doctor that I haven't yet died and he should send the results through. He does and I am diagnosed with Aeromonas Veronii Boviar Sobria along with a secondary Salmonella infection. The Aeromonas comes from leeches, the salmonella from Bangkok. I'm back on the antibiotics (the antibiotics that I was taking should have prevented this, but you get what you pay for and at 3 rupees a tablet I think I got chalk). The Salmonella should sort itself out while the ofloxacin goes to work on the leech killer.
It's the next day by the time I feel some improvement and I eat for the first time in quite a while. Physically I now resemble the locals and I seem to be accepted into their society as they stop laughing at me and start pitying me. Extra rice is bought out at most meals with a concerned mama-san forcing me to eat more.
I visit the only sight I now haven't seen in Luang Prabang and fortunately Lauren is there to hold my hand - a waterfall about 25km away. There are black bears and a tiger there, rescued from poachers and kept in a compound with very jump-able looking fences. The tiger looks so well fed I think the keeper decided it was easier to keep him fat than build a better fence.
And then for a truly magical holiday moment. We go swimming in a lagoon under the waterfall as the Laos heavens open. It is never wise to be in the water in a thunderstorm, but it is a special feeling. The water from the lagoon is freezing, the rain luke warm and the surroundings beautiful.
Two hours later we are back in Luang Prabang and spend the rest of the day drinking. Lauren finally admits "when I first met you I thought you were a dick". I have to explain that I have heard that so often it is almost a cliché. She didn't say so but I think I managed to endear myself to her eventually.
Then it's off on a VIP coach to Vien Viang. Six hours later we pull into an old airstrip (Lima 21 as the Americans called it during the war) and I tuk-tuk out to a hostel. It's more like a resort than a hostel. And if I had a budget it would be out of it, but I settle into my little air-conditioned riverside bungalow more than a little smug that I'm a flashpacker.
I meet some new friends Jo, Nicole and Jennifer. Jo is ex 3-para. And when he left he went into private security in Afghanistan and Iraq. He scares me. Nicole is a kiwi girl and Jennifer a Canadian. The only thing to do in Vian Vieng is hire tractor tyre inner tubes and float down the river for 4 hours. If you stop (and there are many, many bars on the river bank encouraging you to do so) it can take the entire day. At each stop there is either a zip line or swing to entertain the drunk revellers. For 25000 kip you can purchase a bucket of local whisky, red bull and lime. It's not a particularly nice drink but I don't think the palettes of most of the drinkers are that refined. After my second bucket I decide it is the nectar of the gods themselves. It is getting dark, a thunderstorm is directly above and the more sober of our group get out an hour away from Vien Viang. Jo and I carry on enjoying the thrill ride as only a couple of paralysed drunks can.
The following day is more of the same. Nicole and myself now have a bucket craving while Jo goes on a long run. The day is very similar except that one bucket in we see a kid take a swing on one of the trapeze only for it to snap causing him to smackdown on his back. I've had enough of the swings by this stage and decide to invest all my energy into the bucket drinking.
After two days of that I've exhausted all that Vian Vieng has to offer. Jo and Nicole, clearly more organised than myself, have moved on to the next thrill-seekers town. I'm now drifting around the town from bar to bar to find new bucket buddies.
ROCK ON.
Photos of Laos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/robinsouthgate/sets/72157600474677266/
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